As life moves forward, many of us have dreams of the places and things we would like to see and experience through traveling. After our four sons grew up, my husband and I planned to visit every state in the United States, and then travel the world to see other countries and experience their cultures. But then life happened for us both, and those dreams had to be set aside.

At the age of 54, as my health became complicated, it was determined that I had been born with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. This led to over 28 corrective surgeries, four years in a wheelchair, many months of recovery, and continued daily work to cope with the condition as it progresses. Then, my husband started to experience his own health challenges about four years ago, which eventually led to his diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. So he now also lives day to day, working to maintain the best quality of life possible as he copes with his progressive condition.

We had never thought about having to add medical conditions to our lives, but here we were. So those dreams we’d always had of traveling became complicated—and, eventually, just not a reality.

It’s natural to mourn certain losses when you have long-term, debilitating, and painful conditions. But when life throws you those lemons, you also have to learn to live with your new situation. It is not easy to watch others participate in simple activities in life that you once took for granted, but are no longer within your reach. But you also have to decide: Will you spend the rest of your life angry, hurt, frustrated, and feeling you were cheated? Or could you find ways to adjust and accept the new life you’re now facing?

When we open our eyes and look at other lives, we can see there are so many forms of loss. Yours might be a medical condition to cope with. Someone else is coping with the loss of a parent at a young age, the loss of a dear friend, or a sudden loss of a job and housing. We are not the only ones trying to find our way in life on an unexpected journey.

Since our dreams of traveling were no longer a reality for us, what I decided to do is to travel through others’ eyes. This may sound silly, but when someone I am connected with tells me they are traveling somewhere, I always ask them to share photos with me and to tell me about their adventures. I want to experience the world, and this seems to be the best way I can do it safely.

My sister and her husband took a trip of a lifetime recently, and I “traveled with them” to Antarctica. I joked about finding a suitcase they could sneak me into so that I could tag along, but reality meant staying at home. Still, while I wasn’t there in person, hearing their stories and seeing their photos took me on this journey, too.

You might be like us and also find traveling just too difficult with the progression of your condition. But give this a try: Find fun with the travels of a friend or family member, and allow yourself to dream you were there as you see the world through their eyes.

Try to make the lemon into lemonade, as the old saying goes. Show others that despite your challenges in life, you can live, breathe, and travel in your own way! This may be one way to help you be identified not by your condition, but instead as you—the person you are.

May life be kind to you…

—by Ellen Lenox Smith

About the Author:

Ellen Lenox Smith has emerged as a leading voice for patients living with pain. Currently, Ellen serves as Co-Director of Medical Cannabis Advocacy for the U.S. Pain Foundation and is a member of its Board of Directors. She is also active with the EDS RI support group.

Prior to patient advocacy, Ellen was a longtime middle school social studies teacher. She has been married for 53 years and is the proud mother of four adult children and grandmother to five grandchildren. She also is the author of two books, an organic gardener, and was previously a master swimmer and high school swim coach.