Happiness is such a joy and medicine to the soul as I navigate life with chronic pain. For me, it can range from simple things like hearing and watching the birds visiting my feeders to starting my day, feeling as healthy as possible, content, and finding purpose and meaning in life. Happiness for me includes being able to do the things I love like swimming, gardening, walking at the beach, creating a meal, having my family, now grown, being able to gather together, and so much more. To see our adult sons now being involved and loving parents warms my soul.

However, when we live with chronic pain, we also have to face many obstacles in life. They often come without warning and without directions on how to take them on. Some issues can involve loss of activities and isolation, and they may require us to make adjustments. We need to allow ourselves time to mourn the losses chronic pain may cause us to experience. But then, in time, we need to pick ourselves back up and find happiness in realistic ways that fit with the new circumstances we are now taking on.

Although I was born with a condition called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), I wasn’t properly diagnosed until the age of 54. This connective tissue defect that affects all organs in the body has caused me to have to endure twenty-seven surgeries, restricted diets, trials of medications, limited options for pain relief, and four past years of life in a wheelchair. It has even robbed me of the joy of holding a book and reading a novel. On top of all this, I have had to learn to endure being judged by others who see me as looking “normal,” not understanding the pain and loss of the activities I once loved.

I have a fused neck that causes my jaw to dislocate when I chew food. I can no longer hold a book and read without my neck subluxing (partially dislocating) and creating extended pain until my body calms down. I can’t hug those I love without my ribs subluxing or dislocating. As a former master swimmer and high school swim coach, I can no longer use my arms to complete strokes or flip turns, or even rotate my head from side to side due to my neck fusion. These are just some of the many losses of things I loved before and can no longer do.

However, I am not listing these examples of issues I have to endure for sympathy, but instead to give you a little view into my challenges and share that despite all this, I am a happy person. Happiness is my medicine for my soul and life. It allows me to see beauty and feel grateful. Knowing that my four sons are watching how I take on this condition, the work and discipline I do daily makes it worth it. I want to set a positive example and let them observe that I am trying hard to make the best of the circumstances I am to live with. I do not want them to remember me as a whiner, complainer, and a person stuck with the attitude of “Why poor me?”. Instead, I want to instill in them that we must learn to take on our trials and still live life with happiness and gratefulness. Unfortunately, we can always find another person’s journey that is much worse than what we are dealing with.

Sometimes, after listening to me and watching me, people are shocked if any of my challenges come up in the conversation. Why? Because I don’t like to spend my days dwelling on all I have been through; instead I put my focus on enjoying the day I have been given to live. There are circumstances where this doesn’t work, like when I have to attend a new doctor’s appointment. Forms have to be filled out and questions have to be answered about the medical issues I have coped with. I find this can be very negative to my emotions. If I have to be reminded of what I have been going through for years, it drags me down. On those days, I can’t avoid discussing my health challenges. But on other days, I can instead work to enjoy the day I have and fill it with things that bring happiness and joy.

Living life is work for us all. You can easily allow yourself to be unhappy, ungrateful, and miserable. Or, you can decide to find the beauty in what you do have. The choice is ours to take on. 

May life be kind to you… 

–by Ellen Lenox Smith

About the Author:

Ellen Lenox Smith has emerged as a leading voice for patients living with pain. Currently, Ellen serves as Co-Director of Medical Cannabis Advocacy for the U.S. Pain Foundation and is a member of its Board of Directors. She is also active with the EDS RI support group.

Prior to patient advocacy, Ellen was a longtime middle school social studies teacher. She has been married for 50 years and is the proud mother of four adult children and grandmother to five grandchildren. She also is the author of two books, an organic gardener, and was previously a master swimmer and high school swim coach.